1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,603
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:10,008
♪ Traveled down the road
and back again
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,044
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:16,214
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:20,084
♪ And if you threw a party
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♪ Invited everyone you knew
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00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:29,994
♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me
8
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:31,830
♪ And the card attached
would say
9
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:38,470
♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪
10
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:00,425
Thanks, honey.
11
00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:03,328
Girls, you will never guess
12
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,330
who I just got off
the phone with.
13
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,431
Trudy McMann, your best
friend from high school.
14
00:01:07,433 --> 00:01:09,700
She's coming to Miami
for your high-school reunion.
15
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:17,375
Sophia, that's incredible.
You must have ESP.
16
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:21,146
No. I have a phone extension
in my bedroom.
17
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,047
Ma, how many times
do I have to tell you
18
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:26,317
not to listen in
on my conversations?
19
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,820
About twice a year.
20
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,822
Like your phone
is ringing off the hook.
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00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,290
Like you got such
a full social calendar.
22
00:01:33,292 --> 00:01:37,996
You're the only person who ever
got a refund on call waiting.
23
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,332
All right, Ma, all right.
24
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,901
Dorothy, high-school reunions
can be so much fun.
25
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,903
I will never forget mine.
26
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,606
I was the most successful
person there.
27
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:51,409
Blanche, didn't you go to school with that
brilliant doctor who won the Nobel Prize?
28
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:54,312
Oh, yes, but she
let her looks go to hell.
29
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:57,081
You do sound excited, Dorothy.
30
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:58,450
Well, I am, I am.
31
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,886
But mostly it's about
seeing Trudy again.
32
00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:05,022
A girl never had a better friend
than Trudy McMann.
33
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,225
(Sophia chuckles) What, Ma?
34
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:10,929
Oh, nothing. My underwear
just hiked up on me.
35
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,499
Right while you were lying.
36
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,903
Ly - Why do you
say I'm lying?
37
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"A girl never had a better
friend than Trudy McMann"?
38
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:24,176
Somebody here doesn't remember
prom night, 1946.
39
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Why? What happened?
40
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,146
I don't know.
I'm that somebody.
41
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:32,116
No, I think what Ma is referring to...
(chuckles)
42
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:35,286
...is a little practical joke
that Trudy played on me.
43
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:37,321
All of us on the tennis team
44
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,959
decided that we would wear
our tennis whites to the prom.
45
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,928
Well, I showed up,
and I was the only one.
46
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,429
Oh, no!
47
00:02:45,431 --> 00:02:47,832
Your date must have
been horrified.
48
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:51,903
No. Her brother was a
really good sport about it.
49
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:55,240
No, Trudy and I played
a lot of practical jokes
50
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,574
on each other.
51
00:02:56,576 --> 00:03:00,045
It was all part of
a happy, healthy rivalry.
52
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:04,282
Oh, I was the butt of all
kinds of jokes growing up.
53
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,318
Actually, it ran in the family.
54
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,320
In our breakfast room,
we had one whole wall
55
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,356
covered with "kick me" signs
we had collected.
56
00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:17,361
Oh, there was a story
attached to each one of them.
57
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,631
And in some cases,
the original Scotch tape.
58
00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:29,307
So when's Trudy coming?
59
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,977
Uh... week after next.
60
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:35,212
Which reminds me,
I have to rush.
61
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:37,248
(Blanche) Where to?
Tennis lessons.
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00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:40,652
I figure, if she's gonna be here, we
ought to have a nice, quiet game.
63
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,553
Oh, that's sweet.
And a lot of crap.
64
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,490
I'm gonna mop the court
with her.
65
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:49,427
Oh, my. Looks like our Dorothy
still holds a grudge.
66
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:52,697
'Course she holds a grudge.
We Sicilians are good at that.
67
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,532
That, and holding a grudge.
68
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:57,302
Sophia, you said "holding
a grudge" twice.
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00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,771
Hey, if you're good at
something, you brag about it.
70
00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:08,779
I am so excited.
71
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:13,017
I can't believe I'm going to see
Trudy again after all these years.
72
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,053
I'm excited for you,
too, Dorothy.
73
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,222
That's why I want
everything perfect.
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00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,124
I'm making Scandinavia's
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00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,526
oldest and most traditional
appetizer treat -
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00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,561
cheese and crackers.
77
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,830
Cheese and crackers, Rose?
78
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:28,466
Not eggs gafloofen?
79
00:04:31,436 --> 00:04:32,971
Ham and gunterhoggins?
80
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,575
Pigs in a svenkabluden?
81
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:43,614
No, but you sure know how
to make a girl's mouth water.
82
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:45,616
(doorbell rings)
83
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,519
Oh, my God.
That's her.
84
00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,857
I sure hope time
has been good to Trudy.
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00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,994
Good, not great.
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Oh, Trudy.
87
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,931
Dorothy.
Oh...
88
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,734
(both laugh)
89
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,837
It's been so long.
90
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,939
Boy, you look...
91
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:10,742
It's been so long.
92
00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,179
I know, and you - you look
exactly the way you did
93
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,515
at our high-school
graduation.
94
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:20,618
'Course, rumors were that you
were three months' pregnant.
95
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,621
I want you to meet
my husband Jack.
96
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:26,624
You didn't tell me you had
such a handsome husband.
97
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,926
Didn't tell you
he was rich, either.
98
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,962
That's my Trudy.
99
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:33,698
You haven't lost
your sense of humor.
100
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,534
Or those pesky ten pounds.
101
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,472
Mrs. Petrillo,
is that you?
102
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:43,307
No, it's Jane Fonda.
103
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:46,978
Come on. Give us a hug.
104
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,713
Aw, Trudy, it's so good
to see you again.
105
00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:52,383
Honey, meet my roommates -
Rose and Blanche.
106
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:55,487
It's a pleasure.
Dorothy's told us so much about you.
107
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All good, I hope.
108
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,722
Well, actually...
Sit!
109
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,296
Well, finally I get to meet
the infamous Dorothy.
110
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,665
Boy, has Trudy told me stories
about you two.
111
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:11,336
I'll bet she has. We had such a
great time back in high school.
112
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:15,974
Like the time you and Trudy ran against
each other for class treasurer?
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00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,875
You know, back in St. Olaf,
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00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:21,445
I ran for president
of the Bull Castration Club.
115
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,487
There is no sound in this world
sweeter than a bull's moo
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00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,823
as it climbs an octave.
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Did you win?
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No. Lost by a hair.
119
00:06:40,499 --> 00:06:42,867
I admired you after
that loss, Dorothy.
120
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:46,771
You just picked up the
pieces and went on.
121
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:50,541
Just like you did after Stanley
ran off with that stewardess.
122
00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:53,544
Boy, I envy you your gumption.
123
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:56,347
And I your breast implants.
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This may not be my place,
125
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:04,956
but you two hardly sound
like old friends.
126
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,391
Blanche is right.
We should be more positive.
127
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,294
Dorothy, you look wonderful.
Ah.
128
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:14,132
The left one turned out nice.
129
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,068
Dorothy! Oh, come on, Rose.
I'm just kidding.
130
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,104
They're both practically
the same size.
131
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,540
How about giving me a hand
in the kitchen?
132
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,976
Were they like that
in high school, Mrs. Petrillo?
133
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,945
Oh, no. Her breasts were actually
a lot smaller back then.
134
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,984
I meant, were they rivals?
135
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:37,222
What is this - Nova?
I don't have all the answers.
136
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:40,425
I'm afraid you'll have to
excuse Sophia, Jack.
137
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,559
Oh. You heard that?
138
00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:54,038
I thought I was safe
backed up against these pillows.
139
00:07:58,343 --> 00:08:01,012
Why don't we see what's
keeping Trudy and Dorothy?
140
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,147
Probably got caught up
reminiscing.
141
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,582
You know how it is
when old pals get together.
142
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:07,318
Excuse us.
143
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:17,761
Well, that's that.
144
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:20,331
How does it feel
to have your butt whipped?
145
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:24,602
Well, sometimes I find it
strangely titillating, but...
146
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,939
Oh! You were
talking to her.
147
00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:34,779
Trudy, how about if tomorrow
we play a real game?
148
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,148
Something that requires
real skill.
149
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,251
You mean like
midget ice bowling?
150
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,689
I'm talking about tennis,
you doofus.
151
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,458
Aren't you afraid of being
humiliated on the tennis court?
152
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,627
Me humiliated?
153
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,764
I think you forget, Trudy,
we have to wear tennis dresses.
154
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:55,900
You're on, you pathetic
middle-aged cow.
155
00:08:55,902 --> 00:09:00,638
I am looking forward to it,
you miserable sack of cellulite.
156
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,275
Did I tell you that Larry
Prowse called the other day?
157
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:07,045
Really? Did he ever get married?
Three times.
158
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,381
Actually four,
if you count Victor.
159
00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:26,831
Can you believe it?
160
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,833
Two women competing like that,
161
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,135
and there's not even
a man at stake.
162
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:34,305
In Sicily, women compete
for everything.
163
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,910
The most famous example is the
Great String-Cheese War of '47.
164
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,012
But why should I bore you
with that?
165
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,581
You all have college credits.
You took history.
166
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,951
Sophia, have you been out
in the hot sun too long?
167
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:51,155
It's a possibility.
Is there wax running out of my ears?
168
00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:57,061
Boy, Trudy is beating the
dickens out of Dorothy.
169
00:09:57,063 --> 00:10:02,066
Oh... I just have to...
catch my breath.
170
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:05,702
Are we gonna play, or do
you wanna forfeit? No way.
171
00:10:05,704 --> 00:10:09,440
No, Dorothy Zbornak doesn't know
the meaning of the word "forfeit."
172
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,743
And she's a teacher, too.
173
00:10:13,912 --> 00:10:17,014
No wonder the Japanese
are ahead of us.
174
00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:21,085
I'm gonna kill you, Trudy.
175
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:24,055
Oh, do you really think
she can make a comeback?
176
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,056
I'm sure she can.
177
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:28,493
Dorothy's running Trudy
all over the court.
178
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,095
Oh, Trudy tripped.
179
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:34,899
And she's not getting up.
You think something's wrong?
180
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,467
I think she's fainted.
181
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,002
I hope it's not anything worse.
182
00:10:39,004 --> 00:10:41,572
It is. I've seen that look before.
You don't think...?
183
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,708
There are two things in this
world a Sicilian knows.
184
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,777
When pasta sticks to a wall,
it's done.
185
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:50,014
When a body sticks to cement,
it's dead.
186
00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:04,228
Why did it have to happen this way?
I feel like a murderer!
187
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,230
I will not hear any more
of that nonsense.
188
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,733
It was a freak occurrence
on a tennis court.
189
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:12,102
She's right, Dorothy.
You did nothing wrong.
190
00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:15,105
Technically. I mean, nothing that
would hold up in a court of law.
191
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,212
But why Trudy?
192
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:25,282
She was the most energetic,
alive person I ever knew.
193
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:28,086
At the Center, Dorothy,
we teach acceptance.
194
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:32,023
In life, some things are inevitable,
and you just have to accept them.
195
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:35,259
She is right, Dorothy.
I know because I've been there myself.
196
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:39,230
You killed your best friend,
too, Blanche?
197
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,631
Sorry, Dorothy.
198
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,067
I remember I was
a blossoming belle
199
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:45,403
who had just won the Little
Miss Magnolia Pageant.
200
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,571
Blanche, before you start,
201
00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:50,674
realize I am
very vulnerable now
202
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:53,010
and in no mood to hear
a story about you
203
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:56,714
and some yahoo cracker
with four first names
204
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,051
pawing at each other
under a magnolia tree.
205
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:08,159
Well, pardon me,
Dorothy, but...
206
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:12,229
we can't all come from places as
socially acceptable as Brooklyn.
207
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,601
I'm sorry, Blanche.
Go on with the story.
208
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:23,907
Just try to shy away from words
like "tarnation" and "catfish."
209
00:12:25,310 --> 00:12:27,511
Fine.
210
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:29,513
Anyway, I was about
eight years old
211
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:32,216
when I first met Cathy Lee
on the playground.
212
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:35,119
We became fast friends,
213
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:38,088
just as thick as Louisiana
blackstrap molasses
214
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:41,459
on a stake of johnnycakes
as high as an elephant's knee...
215
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,762
On a riverboat floating down
the Mississippi delta.
216
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,831
Finish the damn story, Blanche!
217
00:12:50,635 --> 00:12:53,938
Anyway, it was at
our Southern seafood fry
218
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,707
that I proudly dragged Cathy
Lee over to meet my folks.
219
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,709
My mama took one look
at Cathy Lee
220
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,912
and forbad me
ever to see her again.
221
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,947
Why?
222
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,482
Because her mother was not in the
Daughters of the Confederacy.
223
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:09,486
Oh! How my heart went out
to little Cathy Lee,
224
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:14,424
standing there while our servants
snickered at her servants.
225
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:17,161
But Mama insisted
I break off the friendship,
226
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:21,031
or I wouldn't get brand-new
riding boots for Christmas.
227
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,700
So I did.
228
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:26,404
Blanche, why is this
a story about acceptance?
229
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,606
Because years later,
to get back at me,
230
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:31,108
Cathy Lee slept with my daddy.
231
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,684
That was something
I had to accept.
232
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:45,022
Mama accepted it, too.
233
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:49,626
Along with a brand-new Cadillac
Eldorado for her birthday.
234
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,031
You know, my family
had a few dollars,
235
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,266
and I loved them dearly,
236
00:13:56,268 --> 00:14:00,538
but when you get right down to
it, basically, they were trash.
237
00:14:07,212 --> 00:14:11,015
Don't worry, Dorothy.
The reunion'll get your mind off of it.
238
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,250
People should be coming
in a couple of hours.
239
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:16,287
The party. The party!
I totally forgot!
240
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,356
There is no way
I can face those people.
241
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,258
Honey, of course you can.
You were all friends of Trudy's.
242
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:24,395
You can console each other.
It'll help you to cope.
243
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,464
Maybe this is just what I need.
244
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,565
Aw, yeah.
Good for you, Dorothy.
245
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:32,370
(sighs) Of course, breaking
the news will not be easy.
246
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,606
Want my advice?
Wait a couple of hours before you do.
247
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:39,877
Stuff like this can put a
real damper on happy hour.
248
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:56,260
And listen, Rose,
remember, mum's the word.
249
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:59,430
Dorothy will break the bad news
in due time. OK?
250
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,599
Excuse me. Has anyone
seen Dorothy?
251
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:05,002
She said hello
and then disappeared.
252
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:06,837
Is there a problem?
253
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:10,641
No! No problem at all.
Everything's fine.
254
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,977
It's not like anyone
died or anything.
255
00:15:15,613 --> 00:15:17,248
(mouths)
256
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,350
It's so good to see everyone.
257
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:24,287
But where's Trudy?
She hasn't seen me in years.
258
00:15:24,289 --> 00:15:27,925
I can't wait to see
the look on her face.
259
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,528
You could wait six months,
it wouldn't change.
260
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:36,534
It's been almost two hours.
We can't keep up this charade.
261
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,937
Somebody has got to get Dorothy
to come out and break the news.
262
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:44,007
But she's so fragile now.
We have to be tender and compassionate,
263
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,578
kindly and sympathetic
and caring and understanding...
264
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,314
Stop babbling, you yutz.
I'll do it, I'll do it.
265
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,655
Picture it - Sicily, 1852.
266
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,590
Ma, I am in no mood.
267
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,393
And besides,
you weren't alive in 1852.
268
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,328
What? We can't learn
from history?
269
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,097
It was mid-century
270
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:09,700
and a disillusioned Italy looked to
the house of Savoy for leadership.
271
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:15,072
Giuseppe Garibaldi, our courageous
leader, and not a bad dresser,
272
00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:17,842
thought, "Let's regain
some national pride
273
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:22,146
and jump into this
Crimean War thing."
274
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,549
Of course, there was a big kickoff
party at Giuseppe's beach house,
275
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,617
and everyone came.
276
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:30,154
Coincidentally,
this was also the night
277
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:34,158
his wife Rosa
hit her sexual peak.
278
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,196
Ma, I am in here
because of guilt.
279
00:16:40,198 --> 00:16:42,633
This is not a story
about guilt.
280
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:46,703
This is a story about
being a bad hostess.
281
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:49,072
While Rosa had Giuseppe
in the bedroom
282
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:51,675
with his saber
around his ankles,
283
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,243
200 hungry guests
284
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:58,348
were strip-searching mice
for a piece of cheese.
285
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:02,219
Ma, so what's your point?
That Rosa and I throw bad parties?
286
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,954
That's my minor point.
287
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,591
My major point is that, like Rosa,
you're screwing around in the bedroom
288
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:10,627
when there are important things
to do outside.
289
00:17:13,664 --> 00:17:16,834
I can't believe it.
That makes sense.
290
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,069
I mean, you went the long way
around but...
291
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:22,440
that actually makes sense.
292
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,909
Look, pussycat, your friends
deserve to know about Trudy.
293
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:29,580
And they'll understand,
because they are your friends.
294
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,948
Oh, Ma. Ma, thanks.
295
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:36,787
Well... here goes.
296
00:17:44,896 --> 00:17:46,196
Everybody...
297
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,799
Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?
298
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,435
Uh...
299
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:56,239
I know I've been a bit scarce
tonight, but there is a reason.
300
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,610
Something tragic
happened this morning.
301
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,411
Oh, Ma, I need your help.
302
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,513
Sure, sweetheart.
303
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,916
Trudy's dead.
304
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:15,559
Please, everybody.
305
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:18,528
It happened this morning
when we were playing tennis.
306
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:22,099
Trudy's heart
just couldn't take it.
307
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,568
I'm so sorry that I dragged
her out on the court
308
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:29,440
and made her run
back and forth so hard.
309
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,541
I wish it had been me
instead of her,
310
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:33,844
because it's all my fault.
311
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,213
We might as well
take down that banner
312
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:41,551
and put up one that says, "Welcome
to the Dorothy Killed Trudy Party"!
313
00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:46,824
(doorbell rings)
314
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,992
Oh, darn. Someone's late.
315
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:52,863
Dorothy'll have to give
her speech all over again.
316
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:57,601
Hi, everybody!
(gasps)
317
00:18:58,870 --> 00:18:59,970
Trudy?
318
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,006
I don't believe this.
Is that you?
319
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,574
In the flesh.
320
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,877
Yeah, but I can't believe
you're really here!
321
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,812
I don't understand!
How did you...?
322
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:13,483
It was all staged, Rose.
A patented Trudy McMann practical joke.
323
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,619
(concerned murmurs)
324
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:17,955
Well, I don't find that
one bit funny.
325
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,924
It was cruel, Trudy.
326
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:23,894
Come on! It was just a practical
joke like we did in high school.
327
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,129
Some of the things
we did in high school
328
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:29,266
are not necessarily appropriate
when we're adults.
329
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,635
Like staying up all night
and carousing around,
330
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,404
dating every other man
you meet.
331
00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:39,343
I'm losing credibility
here, aren't I?
332
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:44,248
Trudy, you did
a very cruel thing.
333
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:45,915
(murmurs of agreement)
334
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:49,119
OK. OK. If I went too far,
I'm sorry.
335
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:53,290
Maybe you ought to apologize to Dorothy.
She's back in her bedroom.
336
00:19:57,495 --> 00:20:01,197
Uh, Dorothy?
Are you all right?
337
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,266
Go away.
338
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:07,170
Dorothy, honey, it's Rose.
We need to talk.
339
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,506
I said go away.
340
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,241
Leave it to me.
341
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:14,578
In a few minutes, I'll have
her beaming from ear to ear.
342
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,414
(gasps) (all gasp)
343
00:20:30,127 --> 00:20:32,062
Oh, my God! Trudy!
344
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,463
Dorothy!
345
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:35,199
Jack!
346
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,833
How come you're alive?
347
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,735
How come you're in bed
with my husband?
348
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,572
I asked you first.
349
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,474
Honey, it's not
what it looks like.
350
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:47,877
Obviously. Dorothy thought I was
dead, tried to comfort you,
351
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:50,014
and the two of you
got carried away.
352
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,482
OK, it is what it looks like.
353
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:56,319
I can't believe this.
I was just playing a prank.
354
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,889
Do you have any idea
how I feel?
355
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,156
What kind of person
356
00:21:00,158 --> 00:21:02,559
jumps into bed with
her dearest friend's husband?
357
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:06,129
Not necessarily a bad person.
Sometimes circumstances...
358
00:21:07,665 --> 00:21:10,634
Oh. You were
talking about her.
359
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:15,172
I think I'm gonna faint.
360
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:18,342
Gotcha!
361
00:21:23,848 --> 00:21:27,084
Dorothy, what the hell
is going on here?
362
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,786
Revenge!
363
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:32,723
It suddenly occurred to me - what if
this was the ultimate practical joke?
364
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:36,894
So I dragged it out of Jack, and the
two of us cooked up this topper.
365
00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,530
Jack, I can't believe
you went along with this.
366
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:42,232
So I got in bed with Dorothy.
It was a joke!
367
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:44,534
Don't even think it, Ma.
368
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:49,139
If you knew before,
why didn't you tell me?
369
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,208
Ma, you have a big mouth.
370
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:52,809
Me? If I had a big mouth,
371
00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:54,644
do you think your one-night
stand with the bug man
372
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,880
would still be a secret?
373
00:21:58,349 --> 00:22:01,151
Oops.
374
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:04,388
Dorothy Zbornak, this is
the most underhanded,
375
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:07,991
sneaky practical joke
anyone has ever made,
376
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,794
and I have just
one thing to say.
377
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:13,130
Boy, have I missed you!
378
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:16,165
Oh, Trudy... Trudy!
379
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:19,536
I've missed you, too.
380
00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:23,407
Wait just a minute.
You two are not mad?
381
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:27,311
Are you kidding?
Our friendship was built on years of this.
382
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:31,348
Trudy, you have made this
one hell of a reunion.
383
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:35,852
Speaking of which, there's
a party out there. Come on!
384
00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:40,490
Well, Dorothy Zbornak, I cannot believe
you put Rose and me through this.
385
00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:41,691
Yeah!
386
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,427
What are you talking about?
387
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:46,463
You knew Trudy was playing
a practical joke all along,
388
00:22:46,465 --> 00:22:48,499
and you never shared it
with your best friends?
389
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:50,400
We thought you were devastated.
390
00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:52,870
We suffered right along with you.
Yeah!
391
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,838
That was insensitive.
Insensitive!
392
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,073
Selfish.
Selfish!
393
00:22:56,075 --> 00:22:58,041
As far as we are concerned,
Dorothy Zbornak,
394
00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,043
you have gone too far
this time.
395
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:03,413
No. This is unforgivable.
We are never gonna speak to you again.
396
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:05,015
Right!
397
00:23:10,354 --> 00:23:11,354
Gotcha.
398
00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:19,897
Very, very convincing, Blanche.
399
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:23,499
I can't take all the credit.
I did have some help. Right, Rose?
400
00:23:26,137 --> 00:23:27,871
Rose?
401
00:23:28,873 --> 00:23:30,908
Rose?